How to live your truth and be your authentic self

This post is unlike my usual skin care and beauty related content. Today we are focusing on mindset, and the issues that arise beneath the surface. The intrinsic factors and facets that comprise our entire being. The things I believe truly affect our daily lives and our perception of ourselves tenfold, fiftyfold, a hundredfold more than our external appearance. Today I am going to approach the subject of living as your authentic self. How to live your truth, in a world constantly repressing the person you want to be.

Losing your sense of self

As a child, I did not place a single limit on my potential, even when I had no reason not to. I was born as minority as one can possibly come, in an environment where no one remotely looked like me. Growing up in a small community twenty plus years ago, you would be incredulous to find someone as mixed culturally or racially as I was. I was born into a fairly enclosed community. A place whose border had been closed during a time of dictatorship only a decade before I was born. A place that had been isolated from the rest of the world for years.

Rather than allow my differences to discourage me, I learned to be bold. I knew that my race had no bearing on who I was as an individual, on my level of intelligence, on my capacity for kindness, or my ability to achieve any goal I set for myself. I learned confidence. Spoke louder. Never put a limit on myself or what I was capable of achieving. As a child you know how to live your truth.

Then came times where I found myself stranded in a number of situations that I could not see any way out of. I began to succumb to my predicament. I decided that life for me was just not meant to be easy, nor was it meant to be enjoyable. It was simply meant to be endured. As I resolved to surrender to this course, I found I was growing more and more displaced from within myself. I began to lose sight of every dream that had been fostered within me as a child. I lost my sense of wonder.

Trying to be just like the rest

For a while I always felt out of place. No matter which way I spun it, I realised I ultimately was different. I so badly wanted to blend in with everyone else. There have been certain periods in my life where instead of embracing my unique gifts and differences, I have just wanted to fall into the background. I did not wish for the attention to be placed on me. Scared of eliciting negative feelings in others towards me, I simply wanted to be invisible. I wanted to make myself so small that I could go unnoticed to the world. I couldn’t change the fact that I was different, but I could make myself unseen. Or so I hoped.

Oftentimes, when the things we do or believe, or how we look, does not fall into the typical mold of those around us, it can lead to a level of contempt from others. As you grow older, you learn that this disregard is not a reflection of you, but a reflection of that person’s own limits placed on themselves. In an effort to evade any possible judgement from others, we all fall into this pattern of sameness. You forget how to live your truth. You want to be like the rest of the pack. And if someone diverts from the herd, they are exiled, or eventually forced to fall back in line.

Afraid of judgement

How many times have you not done something because you were afraid of judgement from those around you? So often we give so much weight to the opinions of other people that we lose touch with our own inner wants and desires. I am sure you are familiar with what I am talking about. Whether it is something as minute as deciding against an outfit you really want to wear because you’re scared about how others will perceive you. Or not cutting your hair the way you would like. Or choosing not to pursue the path you really want because it is not perceived as the conventional definition of “success” – whatever that looks like.

At the current moment you are going through the motions, trying to please as many people as you can without pleasing yourself. You do not give yourself permission to live your truth. Let me tell you now that forcing yourself to operate at something that does not align with your true purpose will only foster resentment further down the road. When are you going to wake up down the line and realise that you have never for one day been your true self? Are you going to, one day at fifty years old, realise that all your life you have been living dictated by other people’s perception of you and never for yourself?

Keeping up the facade

Some of you may be going to college or pursuing a university course that you have no interest in, only to please your parents. To appease society’s construct of a clear-cut path to “success”. Remaining in a loveless marriage because you are afraid to be shunned by those around you. You may be forcing yourself to stay at a job you hate because you can’t bear to think about what life would be like giving up certain luxuries, or your 40k car. You are afraid people will call you a loser if you decide to sell everything and go travel with nothing but a backpack. Even if the thought sets your soul alight. Even if you know you could live your truth by doing that.

In a desperate attempt to look the part, you try to play the perfect parent. Or you feel the need to play the perfect daughter, or student, or sign yourself up for every extracurricular activity you can. Even if you can’t afford that luxury membership to that exclusive club right now, you refuse to let it go. You need to be flaunting that luxury handbag, to document the fact you dined at a Michelin star restaurant on social media. You continue with the façade because you abhor the thought of anyone knowing you are struggling.

We are all human

Here’s a secret: we all struggle. We are all imperfect and irrevocably human. And do you know what? We all make mistakes. What even classifies as a mistake? They are all lessons if you allow them to be and learn from them. And resolve to improve yourself as a result, rather than dwelling on everything you could have achieved. Let me tell you another secret: people will only pass judgement and hate on you because they know they are themselves not living their truth. They have themselves succumb to society’s pressures.

The rise of social media has made it even more difficult for people to be authentically as they would like. Previously, only celebrities and the outrageously rich were depicted to be this untouchable, unattainable picture that we should all strive for. Now, that girl from down the street on Instagram looks like she’s always perfect and has it all figured out. Now more than ever we want to appear every day as though we are living this amazing life. You start to obsess over filling up your calendars with lavish events in lavish destinations. You suppress your need to live your truth.

Focusing on the superficial will only make you feel empty

The constant bombardment with images of seemingly perfect people can shift how we perceive ourselves. More and more frequently people are deploying the use of surgery or cosmetic enhancement to attain a certain look. Suddenly we question the straightness of our nose, the size of our hips, when we have never before had this insecurity. Ask yourself, are you really choosing to undergo a cosmetic enhancement for yourself, or for the sake of how you want to be seen by others?

We want to be photographed at the most extravagant hotels, eating at the best restaurants, even when we know we can barely afford the side dishes on the menu. We are continuing to live our days going to jobs we truly hate, so that we can afford to buy things we don’t really need, in order to impress people we don’t actually like. What is this desire for validation from other people who don’t contribute much to our lives, that we are constantly striving for? Will doing things to please others help you on the path to live your truth?

Externally you may portray yourself as having it all but internally, if you continue to focus on the superficial, you will never be truly fulfilled. You will feel empty. How many wealthy people are on antidepressants, with addiction problems or committing suicide? They can afford everything their heart desires yet they still lack fulfilment.

A contrived highlight reel

In case you did not already know, the images you see in magazines, curated social media feeds, and fabulous lifestyle advertisements are created for one purpose: to sell. They are selling you a fantasy so that ultimately you will feel compelled to make a purchase. You are seeing a single snapshot from a highlight reel and not the behind-the-scenes reality. So, first of all, I implore you to recognise this whenever you catch yourself comparing your seemingly uninteresting life to someone else’s. You are so busy comparing your life that you forget to live your truth.

Secondly, try as you might you will never please everyone. Everyone will always have something to say about the things you do or do not do. The fact is, you can’t manipulate another person’s perception. We are all free to think whatever we want. They will continue to think as they do. Don’t even bother manufacturing yourself to fit their ideals because no matter how much you try to please certain people, they will never be content. It is not even worth trying to convince them otherwise. It is both a waste of your energy and of your effort, so steer clear of these soul-sucking, energy-draining vampires.

You are the only one who will make you happy

Drown out the noise. Forget about what your friends think, what your aunt will think, or what the mail man down the road has to say about it. Focus on what you want and what will fulfil your happiness. You are the only one who truly has the ability to make yourself happy. You are with yourself 24 hours a day, 365 days a year and you are the only one who will ever be. Only you can make you happy. Only you can make yourself whole. Stop waiting for that person to come pat you on the back and tell you that you are doing a great job. Start telling yourself that.

The insane thing is that we are so conditioned to behave in a typical fashion and to live out a certain road map written out by society’s constructions, that we are not even part of our bodies and our own souls anymore. It actually seems foreign to us to tune into ourselves. For you to think to live your truth. The shackles we have been confined to by external forces have become a safety blanket. To break these shackles is to throw ourselves into the unknown, into the wilderness with no direction.

You are in charge

In actuality, you are in charge of your own fate. You will be the one to determine your own direction. You are not lost; rather, you are on the path to enlightenment. Once you begin to tune in to your true self, you will begin to recognise the cracks in your belief patterns and the life you were living before. Doing something outside of the norm, outside of society’s constructions and confinements, at first will feel uncomfortable. It will feel daunting. You will question yourself multiple times over. But it is worth it to live your truth. To get back to yourself.

People have opinions. Ignore them.

And people will judge, people will think you are volatile and insane. After all, you must be insane to quit your highly lucrative job and take an 80% pay cut. What do you mean, you want to go live your dreams? Shouldn’t you have graduated by now? Why are you not settling down yet? To your friends and family, it will appear as though you are merely acting on a whim. In fact, you and I already know this move has been festering inside you for a long, long time. Sure, those who care about you have their reasons to be concerned, but they haven’t felt that calling that you have felt. They don’t know what it feels like to colour outside the lines.

Conventional paths will tell us we need to go to school, follow rules, go to college, get a degree, get a job, get married, have kids, and enforce all these standard protocols until the day we die. And this should all be followed in a timely fashion by a certain age, and if you do not meet this criterion you are obviously not doing right with your life. Oh, and our children should do the same too. And in the modern era, a woman has to do all this while maintaining a thriving career and being a super mother. At the end of the day, your opinion of yourself is all that truly matters. As for judgement from others, oftentimes it is you imposing what you perceive to be other people’s perceptions, on yourself.

Return to your truth

Just stop. We need to return to ourselves. To return to the person we were before we realised that society had a certain construct on our lives and appearance and the way we should behave. We need to give ourselves the permission to dream like we did when we were young and truly believed we could be anything we wanted and so much more. Free ourselves of the unnecessary pressure. And stop doing things that do not align with who we want to be. We need to start doing things because they feel authentic to us and not because we think people will like us more as a result.

Acting ordinary won’t make you extraordinary

If you keep acting like everyone else, that is who you will become. It may sound easier, but in the long run it will not make you happy if it doesn’t live your truth. If you keep putting limits on your potential based on the limits others have set, that is all you will ever be able to strive for. It is time you realise that you are accountable for your own actions. And you are accountable to no one but yourself. When something is not serving us anymore, it is better to let go of it rather than cling on and forcing ourselves to see it to the end, or until it drives us into the ground.

Digging deep within to find yourself is not simple. It is a continuous journey of discomfort. How can you keep believing in the voice within yourself that is telling you to begin an entirely new path, when every shred of practicality and external sources will tell you otherwise? How can you be yourself in a world constantly preaching for you to be someone else? And that living as someone else is the only way you can be successful, by their standards. How do you live your truth that is authentic to you and no one else?

It is time to redefine your own version of success. To put faith in you. Block out the external noise and the voices telling you who you should be. You are on the path to live your truth and only you can guide that path. You already know who you are and who you want to be.

Have faith in yourself

Faith is believing without needing to see a reason to do so. To live your truth means tuning in to that unyielding faith in yourself. If you have already made the move to begin living your truth and you are discouraged, be patient. You don’t need an external source of validation to assure you that you are pursuing the right path. Practise listening to your inner truth so that it becomes louder and reignites your faith. Because for a long time, that faith is all you will have to hold on to.

You will be abundantly happier once you stop allowing your energy to be drained. Once you stop attempting to follow the guidelines of others and begin to live your truth. Once you allow your inner truth to guide you. It is your inner truth, your higher power, your sense of purpose, your gut, who uniquely knows your correct path. I often say that we all have unique DNA, health needs, skincare needs, dietary needs, exercise needs, and we should personalise and tailor it to fit ourselves. How does our life journey differ from this? It is not any different.

You are you for a reason

I believe you have your own unique purpose. You are not a mistake and you deserve infinite happiness and fulfilment. As humans, I believe that we each have an inherent desire to work things for the better, and to feel like we are making a worthwhile contribution to the world. That this in turn this leads to our own sense of fulfilment. If we feel we are living idly or for someone else’s ambition, or not truly fulfilling our potential or our purpose, this is where we become misaligned. This is where you start feeling like the chips are stacked against you. This is where you lose touch with how to live your truth.

It’s time to disconnect how involved we are with the outside world’s perception of us and reconnect with ourselves. Nothing that can be done of the outside world will ever make as deep an impact as the work you can do intrinsically, deep beneath the surface. In a world constantly telling you otherwise, it is about time you did what makes you truly, deeply happy. It is about time you pursue the things that set your soul on fire and realise how to be yourself again.

Once you are happy within yourself, your uplifting energy will radiate to the outside world. And none of the negative thoughts or unrealistic expectations will affect you as they once did. Once you focus on filling up your own cup, you can begin pouring into others. Your light will be contagious.

Start now

It is about time you drowned out that noise and focused on finding your authentic self. To re-learn how to live your truth. To lift your burdened shoulders and unhinge your shackles. It will be a journey, but it will be worth every step. Perhaps it takes some work to listen to your inner truth at first, but it will only get easier. It may take some time, so you might as well start now.

Wishing you boundless love, endless light, and life without limit,

Shannon xo

© Shannon Feetham and shannonfeetham.com, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.